Fear is getting the better of me (and please help me choose classes to go to at BurlyCon dear friends)

Just a quicky post because we're off for a couple of days to Lake Havasu City - to check whether London Bridge is falling down.

 

photo from John Stoddard on England and London

 

Yes, that London Bridge, the one an American bought and moved stone by stone to Arizona in 1967 and re-erected. We'll take lots of photos and I'll tell you about it in a blog post in the near future. So if I don't publish your comments or reply to your emails for a few days, you'll understand the reason.

In other news, fear well and truly floored me last night. The prospect of leaving the house and going to BurlyCon on Thursday is crippling me with fear. Despite it I've managed to finish the green 1948 vintage dress for the Thursday night get together, but I've decided to give up for now on the pink dress, because the whole idea of the pink party on Saturday night in a nightclub full of people is just a step too far for me, so I'm going to give that a miss and try and pat myself on the back for managing to do any of the other activities during the weekend.

I had a big breakdown and a big cry, which was quite cathartic but this is my 3rd night in a row (the last 2 nights I didn't manage to sleep till past 4am because of my nerves), I'm getting the worst stomach cramps ever (ok, perhaps not ever, but pretty similar to the night before the first time I maided for a burlesque show), and the muscles throughout my body are knotted up with tension.

The silly thing is I know if I can get to BurlyCon (and I will, Mr Devyne is going to make me for my own good, I love him he's so brill) it's going to be a fantastic experience and I'll learn absolutely tons and hopefully finally make some friends in America (nearly a year here and my stupid cyclothymia and social phobia has not only crippled me for most of that time but also I still haven't got one friend to my name this side of the pond....that has to change if I'm going to make it here or develop any kind of 'normal' life - thank goodness for the internet though for contact with my online and British friends keeping me alive).

I'm crying about not wanting to go and desperately wanting to go all at the same time.

I mean look at some of the classes/workshops I'm hoping to attend and the world class performers leading them:

• Tassel Twirling - Miss Indigo Blue
• Radical Glamour - Jo 'Boobs' Weldon
• Preparing for Performing - Scotty the Blue Bunny
• Humor For Ecdysiasts - Johnny Porkpie and Heidi Von Haught
• Pin Up Hair for Burly Girls - Miss Kitty Baby
• Gorgeous Arms - Lily Verlaine
• Costume Secrets and Tricks - Catherine d'Lish

And then there's all the clashing classes - too much good stuff all at once - how am I ever going to choose what NOT to go to:

• Bump That Grind - Dee Milo OR Cabaret Dance - Jacqueline Hyde?
• Embodied Movement - Ricki Mason OR The Plot Thickens - Johnny Porkpie?
• Being Present Newbie - Trixie Little and the Evil Hate Monkey OR Acting Burlesque Persona -Tigger OR Obscenity Law - Elsa Sjunneson?
• Theatre Staging Techniques for Burlesque - Waxie Moon OR Stitch and Bitch Sewing Circle?

and probably the hardest decision 1.30-2.30pm on Friday:

• Stage Combat - Clayton Hibbert & Twisted Monk (those of you aware of my long-time-in-production knight in shining armour/chastity corset routine will understand why) OR 'My Life' - THE Dee Milo OR Walks and Rhythm - Sydni Deveraux OR Basic Burlesque Contracts - Elizabeth Ricks OR Turns and Transitions - Pyra Sutra

How the heck can one choose from all that goodness?

Any suggestions/advice on any of the above choices will be gratefully recieved believe me.

And all this, is just a sideshow gorgeous learning experience to the two things that will probably have the most impact on my self-confidence and self-esteem during the weekend...in a moment of confidence a few weeks ago (and before I could change my mind) I booked myself a spot on Friday night's peer act reviews, led by Trixie Little and the Evil Hate Monkey (I haven't performed outside of the UK yet) and the Ultimate Self Confidence workshop with World Famous *BOB*.

I saw World Famous *BOB* perform at the Candy Box 2 years ago on one of my very first night's out of the house for years...and the day after she changed the confidence of 3 of my friends (Parma Violet, Ditzy Diamond and Candee Handful) on the same course so much I could hardly recognise these empowered, glowing, confident women. After the course I saw Parma Violet get up on a stage at Dr Sketchy's Birmingham and do probably the best live performance I've ever seen...and tons of this was down to her having done the workshop with BOB. So I'm terrified, because I'm always terrified when I go out, but I'm massively excited too.

I listened to BOB's interview with one of my best mates, The Decadent Gent on his Tassel Time podcast again yesterday and she's so massively inspiring I know this workshop is going to help me no end. If you're at all interested in burlesque you should check it out.

Hey, typing this stream of consciousness has helped - sorry if I'm rambling. But I'm beginning to feel a bit better. My legs are still aching with tension but my head's a bit happier...excitement always wins out over fear stupid head - take that! I'm going to flipping BurlyCon!!

OK, so I'll be away tomorrow but I've set up the computer to post a thing I wrote about a year ago and I've never put online - 'How Burlesque Saved My Life' - so check back tomorrow for a good news story :)

And to find out more about BurlyCon 2010 - here's the website.