The World's Scariest Christmas Tree Ornaments.....you decide.

I was going to blog a review of Fright Night (new remake of the camp horror classic now starring Colin Farrell, David Tennant, Toni Colette and the kid who played Chekov in the Star Trek reboot). I'll have to do that later this week, because this morning I went to our local Hobby Lobby and discovered some things EVEN scarier.

Are you ready fright fans?

You might want to hide behind the settee. Or at least have a cushion handy.

You have been warned.

 

No, it's not them. By the way, did you realise it was Christmas? If you've been following my Twitter account, you'll know that I first posted pics of Christmas decs appearing in the shops/stores here in Phoenix back in July! It's ridiculous. They're right next to the Halloween decs. Also ridiculous. It's still Summer for goodness sake.

Ah well, the Americans do like to party (any excuse) and I suppose they need to get their stocks in. The essential Nutcrackers of course....they're HUGE here:

 

Nope, they're not the scariest either. Not even those 2 Rat King Nutcrackers in the centre there. No. Way. Near.

You can tell I'm teasing you, can't you? Building up to a big finish.

Of course, these are not to be confused with the World's Scariest Happy Meal Toy. Though I'm beginning to understand why American children might be desensitised to horror now.

OK, here you go.....I can't even decide which of the following is the most surreal or scariest - you might have to decide, we might have to have a vote, democracy shall prevail (some how I don't think this is quite as momentous as the events happening in Tripoli and Libya at the moment). Leave your opinions and pleas for counselling after the trauma in the comments below....

Ready?

OK, I predict that this year's top/hot trend in Christmas tree decorating will be..... forget your black tinsel trees, they are sooo last year.......*drum roll*....

Planet of the Apes!

 

These weren't ACTUAL Rise of the Planet of the Apes (or ROTPOTA as I keep hearing it being called) merchandise. They were just one of three different types of ape/chimpaneze Christmas tree ornaments I spotted today. I bet there WILL be official ROTPOTA decs too. You can get almost anything here in the USA. Goth Child couldn't decide between a Tron: Legacy racer last year or a Darth Vader for the tree. She eventually went for a glittery pink rhinocerous doing karate. Hmmm.

But who (except perhaps Dian Fossey) would want to hang this on their Christmas tree? And how will Andy Serkis hang on every Christmas tree around the world on the same night? Is he in league with Father Christmas/Santa? I'm assuming both of these are Andy Serkis right?

And as I say, these were only one of three ape-related decs I spotted....and there were about 5 rows like this to choose from....I may have missed some:

 

Actually I tell a lie. There were 4 ape/monkey/chimp decs I spotted including this one: What the heck is this trying to be?

 

I tell you, no wonder the apes want to take over the planet if they see us hanging stuff like this on our Christmas trees. 

I'm guessing in a planet ruled by apes they'd get their revenge by hanging like this on theirs:

 

What is this? An Osmond gone wrong? And what possessed the designer to put nylon ginger hair on it?

It has friends though, including:

 

 

So sorry it's out of focus. I couldn't stop giggling. It's the synthetic hair that does it for me.

OK, some more scary/surreal ones. What about some more animal-related ones?

Gecko in a Santa hat anyone?

 

Cow with a Christmas wreath around its neck? And wearing Christmas pyjama bottoms/pajama pants?

 

Large pink poodle (actually this is possibly the sanest of the lot)?

 

What about hanging symbols of our modern way of life on your tree? The essential chips/french fries and burger Christmas tree ornaments:

 

And of course, a gun-toting Snowman on a rocking horse:

 

I've saved my 'favourite' until last. And by 'favourite' I mean the one that I had to pick my jaw up off the floor for. This is one where I prove I'm a Brit and not a native Zoni (Arizonan). Sorry it's out of focus slightly again, but I was gob-smacked/giggling/concerned - Santa, in camo combats, with his hunting rifle in a glitter jeep containing presents.

I'm sorry, I might have to type that again, I never thought I'd ever type the words:

Santa Claus.

In camoflaged combats (though red trousers/pants).

With his hunting rifle.

In a glitter jeep...

...with presents:

 

Huntin' shootin' fishin' Santa. *speechless*

 

So which one do you reckon is scariest? I'm not convinced I can decide. I suspect the nearer we get to REAL Christmas I might find some even scarier.

*Shudders*

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Remember your vote counts. This isn't Celebrity Big Brother or X Factor. This is even scarier....