fanbloomingtastic

6 comedy lines that have become family sayings

I need cheering up today. January 6th is always a bad day for me. I know it shouldn't be and I should snap out of it and look at the two gorgeous girls I have and be happy for that, but I'm afraid I'm always sad on January 6th. But anyway....

....my cheapo Walmart Brother sewing machine conked out last night. I think I know what's wrong with it. I think it's this:

 

I've got two dinks in my needle plate. I can't remember how they happened. I definitely didn't do them yesterday. I've broken a couple of needles in the last 2 years, so possibly one of these instances.

But the thread keeps pulling to the far left into the biggest dink and yesterday it started breaking on this and getting tangled up around the bobbin casing.

I'm sad but not too sad. I'll try and see if I can get a replacement needle plate, but I'd been thinking about upgrading my machine for a while. I bought this one in the first couple of weeks when we arrived in America. My lovely Singer machine I'd had for years in the UK didn't work on American voltages, so I needed a replacement pronto. I bought a entry level machine from Walmart because although I needed one I didn't have time or money when first moving here to find one that properly fitted my needs.

Anyway, as per usual I'm getting sidetracked aren't I?

The long and short of it is I'm off in a mo to buy a mid-level machine, I think a Singer Stylist from Sears because I need one again pronto as my 1st Sew Weekly challenge isn't finished yet and needs to be today.

And in the meantime I thought I'd share some phrases that have passed into common lingo in our family from comedy catchprases or sketches. I'm not sure why I thought of this last night, it could have been my Victor Meldrew impression when my sewing machince finally snarled up for the last time.

But here you go.

Two soups:

Usually said as we're serving up two soups not unsurprisingly....Mr. D and I tend to be the only ones having soup, the girls aren't great soup fans. It's one of those things that has become a family in-joke that we find hilarious and others don't understand. Julie Walters in this sketch IS hilarious though. A classic sketch from As Seen On Victoria Wood. I've been served by waitresses like this in the UK sooooooo many times:

 

 

I have a cunning plan:

Usually said when we have a cunning plan, obviously ;) You didn't expect that, did you? Nobody expect the Spanish Inquistion.....oh hang on, that one's coming later. We LOVE Blackadder.....as you can tell by us calling Melchett Melchett. Here's some of the reasons we love it with a few cunning plans intermingled:

 

 

You want the moon on a stick you do:

Almost always said to Melchett, in fun, because she really does want the moon on a stick....you should see the length of her birthday or Christmas wish lists. Only in about the last year has she finally got a grasp that things cost money and money isn't on tap whenever you want it. This is from Richard Herring and Stewart Lee's Fist of Fun, which me and Mr. D used to adore....and I'm going to have to get the new boxset of dvds of it that were released before Christmas:

 

 

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Usually said in response by one of the family saying they didn't expect something to happen. And said very loudly by all of the family at them. We're also known to go into most of the routine from Monty Python if any of the family is trying to make a list and keeps adding extra items to it:

 

 

I know nothing:

Usually said by me when someone tells me a secret I have to keep. Often lost when I say it to Americans....or anyone in their 20s :) And it has to be said with Andrew Sachs's wonderful Manuelian intonation. From the brilliant Fawlty Towers:

 

 

They're dead Dave:

Usually said to Melchett or Goth Child when they repeatedly ask the same question...though sometimes said to me too when I'm being dim. From the wonderful Red Dwarf, which is currently Melchett's favourite tv series as we bought her the 2 boxsets.

 

 

So there you go. What comedy catchprases have become part of your everyday parlance?

Inspirational Performers: Anna Fur Laxis

There's one person consistently in my top 5 burlesque performers - Anna Fur Laxis.

When I was first getting into burlesque and attempting to devour every morsel of burly information possible, I listened devotedly to Lili Von Schtupp and Chris Beyond's Burlesque Podcasts. One podcast they had a British performer on from Yorkshire who's passion for and commitment to burlesque shone through, along with her charm and wit....this was Anna (here's her first appearance on the Burlesque Podcast, and here's a later one she did).

So I had to go off and find out more about this woman!

Anna was one of the few British performers (and to be honest worldwide performers) at the time with a decent website. It had her modelling photos, details about her and her acts....I don't think at the time it had any videos, but I might be wrong. But even though it was decent to start with, she's updated her website several times and it's now this wonderful thing to behold:

www.annafurlaxis.com

 

I've just checked out the acts Anna has on her current site.....none of the ones she was doing at the time are part of her current list, she's updated and outgrown even those. From memory Anna was doing Castaway, Domestic Bliss, Everything Stops For Tea and I think a French inspired act, and a Pony Girl one.

Anyway, I started getting into burlesque and going to shows. A milestone for me was going to my first show on my own (my backstory is I have severe social anxiety). I was incredibly excited about it. It was the Candy Box Burlesque in Birmingham, their Hi-De-Hi Show....and not only was Anna on the bill, other huge burlesque stars including World Famous *BOB* were too.

This is the act Anna did that night:

 

 

Later that year I started maiding (setting up stage for performers and then picking up their clothes and props afterwards) for burlesque shows........and I got all fan-girl when Anna was booked to appear at one of them. I was going to actually meet her!

And I have to say Anna and the other essential part of her life and acts, Mr Fur Laxis are two of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. They are totally charming, funny and interested in other people. By this point Anna had introduced Cheesecake Cheesequake into her repertoire and that night she debuted a fan dance Next. I can't find any video of the actual act with the soundtrack she uses (but here's clips of it with a different accompaniment) - it's a remarkable song, Scott Walker's Next....possibly the last song you'd ever imagine doing a fan dance to IF you listen to the lyrics. But the funniest thing was that her movements with the fans and her facial expressions totally detract from your ability to listen to the lyrics. The Next fans are truely amazing - they are a work of genius by Mr Fur Laxis (as I say, a totally essential mad-genius part of everything Anna presents on stage). He specially designed unique grips for Anna's hands so that she can work the weight of the fans (which anyone who's done fan dancing knows can be incredibly heavy and difficult to wield around) and do amazing flicks open and shut in time to the music.

There are various things that have me in awe of Anna, other than her being a total lovely. Here are just a few of them that I have try to remember and implement to hopefully make me a better performer:

1. She never stands still. She is always innovating and trying things that others wouldn't even dream of. She takes time to learn skills outside the 'usual' burlesque catalogue. She learnt to throw knives and axes, travelling around the world to perfect her skills - and then adapted these skills for her Laxis of Evil act. I don't think there's any video of the act because Anna doesn't like having it filmed....but here's the lengths she went to learn new skills. The same goes with the act that won her First Runner Up at the Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend 2011 - The Prestige. I know it took her and Mr Fur Laxis years to learn and perfect the tricks within this act....as well as build the amazing 'cubicle' not only so it works amazingly but can be transported around the world....even if it is in 7+ suitcases. All this had to be done from scratch, them working out how things were done. They tried but no magicians revealed any secrets to them. Here is the wonderful result:

 

 

2. Her costuming is just as creative, intricate and ingenious as her acts. If you want to be treated like a star or top performer then you have to dress like one. When you walk on that stage you need jaws to drop and your costume to announce you mean business. Anna's costumes do this and what's more they are great publicity for her acts. Whenever Anna introduces a new act she'll tease us first with stunning professional photos of some of the costume you could see if you make an effort to turn up. Just check out some of the breath-taking creations on her Acts page and in her Gallery. She thinks about each layer, what purpose it can have, nothing is wasted. (I did hear a very wise thing from Mr Fur Laxis at the Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend though when talking about levels of sparkle.....he rightly said, and it has stuck with me, that there has to be a stopping point with the number of crystals you put on your costumes, because if your shoes are too sparkly the audience won't be looking at your face ;)).
3. Anna knows that her 'performance' doesn't end when she walks off stage. There's nothing false about Anna but I'm regularly in awe of is how polished she looks 'day to day' ie. if you follow her Facebook, or Twitter, or website blog etc you'll regularly see photos of her travels and she looks blooming stunning and in gorgeous outfits (even the casual ones are ones most retro and vintage fans would kill for). I know when I go to burlesque events/conventions I pay a little more thought about what I'm going to wear in the daytime to 'keep up appearances' but Anna has this down to a T.....I told her once how amazing she was to look so polished all the time and being Anna, she graciously thanked me but added "it takes a lot of work" - and that is the secret to it. Anna thinks about herself as a brand, she spends time thinking about her whole package. She utilises social media and networking like a pro. Her website is amazing. She was one of the first performers in the UK to have her own line of merchandise and t-shirts for fans. She totally knows how to work the press. If ever there was a great example of a burlesque performer being a serious brand and credible business person, it's Anna. She aims high, thinks big....

OK, OK I'm going to stop gushing before she gets worried and puts a restraining order on me ;) Anyway, there you go, one of my biggest burlesque inspirers - Anna Fur Laxis - long may she reign. And as a parting gift, here's her wonderful Bettie Page tribute:

 

Pantomime: a major influence on Burlesque ("Oh No It Isn't!", "Oh Yes It Is!")

OK after the slightly wordy, getting it out of the way, 'What is Burlesque?' yesterday....it's time for a bit more fun.

I tried to explain the British theatrical tradition of Pantomime to some confused and incredulous Americans the other day. Most Americans have never heard of it, or think it's what we call mime artists. It's not.

It's very easy to understand.....

• It happens in theatres, village halls, churchs and schools all around the UK every Christmas/New Year holidays.
• Each theatre production tries to get top comedians, tv or singing stars to be the lead roles....I do regret leaving the UK before seeing John Barrowman (Doctor Who & Torchwood but here as Aladdin), Henry Winkler (The Fonz here as Captain Hook) or Ian McKellan....yep, Gandalf/Magneto has been a Panto Dame.
• The plot is loosely based around a fairytale, with popular pantos being Cinderella, Snow White, Aladdin, Peter Pan, Jack and the Beanstalk.
• There's a girl who they call a prinicipal boy, because she dresses up as a boy, but still looks like a girl. 
• 'His' 'mother' is a man, dressed up as unattractive larger woman, but even the 4 year olds in the audience know she's a man...

....hang on, am I losing you? OK try this. This is the start of a Panto on British tv designed for pre-schoolers/kindergarten that might explain it a bit better:

 

 

Don't worry I didn't expect you to make it all the way through that, as I say that panto was specifically designed for little ones. But the opening explanation by Chris hopefully made things a little clearer? And if you made it through to about the 3rd minute you'll have seen the Panto Dame (who's a man drag and clearly so).

So just like burlesque there's a lot of parody, playing with expectations, challenging social norms, transformations, narrative, provocative dialogue/jokes/actions. This is also why you find a lot of the stock characters burlesquers use in their routines from these fairytales and stories. You see transformations from Plain Janes to Princesses, from Prince Charmings into commoners etc. Many a burlesque routine is based on a standard Pantomime story, character or structure.

We know these stories, we know how characters are supposed to act.....and many of Pantomime stories have been reinforced by Disney taking them and making them their own. There are wonderful, colourful, dazzling costumes. There's fantasy and magic.

One essential part of a Pantomime is the audience's friend, a kind-hearted commoner just like us or sometimes a good fairy, who's job it is to guide us through the story, to train the audience in required participation (boooing the baddie, shouting "it's behind you" when a character can't see something or someone obvious, shouting "oh no it isn't" or "oh yes it is")....just like Buttons here in Cinderella:

 

 

So basically, just like a compere (British burlesque) or Master of Ceremonies/MC (American burlesque) warms up the audience at a burlesque show and gives permission for the audience to be part of the performances. And audience participation in Pantomime and burlesque are huge parts of the whole experience - you cheer when something good happens, you awww when something sad happens, you whoop when an item of clothing is removed etc.

The Panto Dame (or Dames when they're the Ugly Sisters in Cinderella) are other essentials or stock characters in Pantomime. They're comic figures, clearly men dressed up as women. Cross-dressing and playing with expected norms are all part and parcel of Panto as they are in burlesque. There are many, many performers who do routines in drag or explore what it is to be a woman or to be a man, or explore hyper-feminity etc.

Most Pantomimes have within them (and usually for no apparent reason) a slapstick scene. For some reason, suddenly the stage will be covered in a large plastic sheet and Buttons will be working in a barbers, or Smee and the pirates from Peter Pan will be baking cakes, or the Ugly Sisters will be putting up wallpaper....

 

 

Do you like those two, they're identical twins you know ;) Not only have you got slapstick that has transferred to many a burlesque act (see Emerald Ace's emotional strip over on today's Absobloominglutely's #31daysofburlesque) but you've also got over-the-top, brightly coloured, outlandish costuming.

The heroine of a Panto is traditionally ultra-feminine, young, gentle and kind.......yes, I can see all you scholars of Commedia dell' Arte recognising all the standard characters here, yep, Panto is nothing new (even before the centuries it's been going in the UK). She's the one they have in the Pantomime because she's pretty, can sing and dance and usually goes through a dramatic transformation and at some point will wear a beautiful gown. If I continue drawing your attention between Pantomime and burlesque you're going to shout at me for stating the blooming obvious aren't you? Ok then, watch Michelle L'Amour's Snow White (although this is her very toned down version for family-viewing primetime tv....you still get the pretty innocence, the gorgeous costuming and the transformation):

 

 

I'll shut up now. I hope that possibly this has explained a bit what Pantomime is if you've never experienced it, but Sir Ian McKellen says it so much more succinctly:

"Panto has everything theatrical – song, dance, verse, slapstick, soliloquy, audience participation, spectacle, crossdressing and a good plot, strong on morality and romance – what more could you want from a family outing?"

And this is what modern burlesque has... BEEEEHHHHHIIIIIIND IT!! Oh yes it has!

Making Our Living Room More Cosy

OK so I got some stuff done on the 'stop procrastinating.....' list. I've made some curtains, cushions, added some fake photos to our fake photo frame but the big changes happened in the living room, (or as I call it 'the front room' even though it's at the back, I can't help it, I'm Northern).

Since we moved in March, we've never been able to get the front room looking cosy. It's twice the size of our room back home but in Phoenix standards it's unusual. Most of the houses we looked at when buying had much more open plan 'grand rooms' (yep, that is what they actually call them). But this is why we liked this house - it's much more quirky, with rooms divided off a bit more and much more us.

 

It's long and thin (21.5 foot by 12.5 foot) and because it has a fireplace and holes in the walls for your telly etc, it sort of limits the positioning of furniture to certain settings.

 

Yep, you can guess I hate the brown and hate that fireplace.....I miss my old fireplace, the one Father Christmas used to come down every year and leave 'snow' on our carpets:

 

 

The one we used to snuggle up in front of during one of the many snow/flood related power cuts:

 

Ah, dear old cottage, dear old Blighty...................sorry, where was I? Oh yes, a brown house in the desert....oh well.

So anyway, other than the obvious browness of the room (which I'm still not quite ready to paint, we're having an Indian Summer here now, 106F/41C yesterday and today) there were some other obvious things about the room I didn't like:

1. The back wall:

 

....where I'd tried to place pictures to detract from my most hated thing in the room:

2. Our house 'intercom'/radio/cd/tape player/doorbell:

 

....not only is it installed ALL AROUND the house (and out on the patio), its once white plastic cover is yellowing and is just a large eyesore on my wall (and walls). I know our house is bigger than our one in the UK, but it's not so big that if I shout "come and get your tea!" up the stairs the kids can't hear me......there's no way I'm using the intercom into their bedrooms......though Melchett had great fun using the intercom to send us 'orders' from her room when we first moved in, until I turned down the volume on this one so I couldn't hear her, except I could because she's only upstairs and Melchett was named because she shouts, shouts and shouts again.

The Nutone intercom/media player wouldn't be as bad if a) there were any decent FM radio stations available in Phoenix I could play on it, b) I could hook up my computer iTunes or an ipod to it.....I have no idea how you hook up 'tapes' to it.

OK rant over. One day we'll pull them all out and install a wireless doorbell instead.

I thought by putting two pics at the other end of the wall you'd look at them instead of this eyesore....it didn't work. 

3. The old stained carpet left by previous owners, possible renters and being bank-owned:

 

.....of course this had the added disadvantage of being brown....well originally.

4. The holes in the wall for tv, dvr, dvd player etc and yukky gas fire and concrete mantel (see above for pic).

 

So this is what we've done to start making a cosier, more 'us' room:

(Admittedly some of this I did whilst in the world's brownest house to help counteract it's browness, but they've transferred well to our new home).

• Made two glitter flags for our homeland and our new home country (two basic canvasses from an craft shop, pencilled design of the Stars & Stripes and the Union Flag on them, then 'painted' on glue section by section before adding glitter and shaking off excess very, very carefully). I'm going to paint the background wall to these two white in the near future to make it more of an 'installation'. These are making headway into detracting from the fireplace:

• Tried to fill the holes in the wall with colourful stuff we love and bought an IKEA tv storage unit which we built in two pieces rather than as it's supposed be to raise the tv (filling the big hole better) and 'frame' the holes better:

 

 

And no, we don't always have the Cybermen on the telly.....just most of the time ;)

When we first put the telly in the top hole, and our dvd players, dvr, computer in the bottom hole, without the storage units there was tons of empty space. This is a definite improvement. And we love out little Wenlock and Pride the Lion.....can't wait for London 2012, even if we can't be there.

• Made curtains for the holes in the walls they call windows ;)
• Colour blocked the bookshelves
• Moved a bigger picture from another room, my favourite Klimt.....and matched it up in the centre of the wall with other two smaller Klimts we already had in the room, previously hanging listlessly at the end - but not before spraying their frames with a metallic paint to match the big frame (and actually the greens on the paintings look far better with silverish frames than the original pine ones):

 

• Buying some cosy standard lamps from IKEA - although the central ceiling fan/light does a wonderful job when it's really hot keeping us cool, because of the maximum allowed wattage and us using energy saving lightbulbs, the light it gives out is pathethic.....and definitely not enough to sew with on settee if I need to make stuff along to an episode of Doctor Who or Torchwood or Alphas or The Colbert Report (you get the picture)
• Buying some greenery for the room

 AND......

• replacing the yukky stained beigey brown carpet with a new gorgeous red one.......and it's green too because it's made out of recycled plastic bottles, no really it is, I know I can't quite get my head around that one either - I think the people in the shop thought we were mad buying this, they kept telling us wool-based stainmaster carpets would last longer (possibly 20 years) but a) we might not be living in this house in 20 years (we might be in the UK or somewhere else) and b) we might get bored of the colour/texture before then too. And AS for trying to get a colourful carpet.........I wish I'd taken some pics of the colours available here, there's brown, lighter brown, brown with a hint of brown, a green that's really brown etc etc....but luckily there was also, down at the very bottom of the swatches, hiding in a corner obviously being bullied for not being brown: our ideal 'ruby'.

So now we have this:

 

And this:

 

And this:

 

 

There are still things I want to change -

• I WILL get rid of the intercom/media player thing but at the mo it's hiding behind a nice lamp so not too bad;
• I AM going to paint the hole/dent in the wall behind the glitter flags white;
• I MOST DEFINITELY AM going to paint the walls a different colour though I'm not sure what yet (any suggestions gratefully received);
• I AM going to do something with that fireplace - first temporary fix might be painting the concrete mantel a darker brown to be a slight contrast with the wall colour it's currently painted, but then I'd like to try 'boxing' it with some nicely stained wood....and eventually pull it out and put in something prettier.....but that's WAY in the future.

But as things go, this wasn't a bad start :)

The Emmys 2011 (the annual award ceremony that makes me feel most alien)

So the Emmys are over and the new Fall schedule can being proper (more about that later in the week, it's a sight to behold).

I was hoping the Emmys would make slightly more sense to me this time, having been here one more year and knowing more of the shows. At least the show started off with Jane Lynch being superb (I heard so much rubbish on Twitter about her singing being atrocious - but I thought it was more than reasonable and anything it does lack, she makes up with charisma and sparkle):

 

 

(And who knew that all of American television lives in the Led Zeppelin Physical Graffitti building!!)

The 'problem' with American TV is there's SOOOOO much of it. There isn't time to catch all of the good stuff (or even know some of it's there because you get waylaid by the mediocre stuff). There are SO many channels, all pumping SO much money into primetime (to the detriment of daytime, which if you think UK equivalents are dire, then you should be made to sit down and watch some US stuff). I'm guessing the longer I live here, the more I'll get to work out which channels I like and hear more word-of-mouth about the shows to watch.

So to be honest I'd probably heard about 2/3rds of the shows nominated. But even though I'd heard of most of the shows, there's lots of winners I just don't get. And some of this I'm putting it down to perhaps cultural differences. Possibly. I don't know, perhaps it's just me? For example, I'm sure Modern Family is very good (it won 5 Emmys) but I've tried several times to watch it, including at the start of last year's new season and I just don't get it. Melissa McCarthy winning Best Comedy Actress for Mike & Molly too. I didn't get this series at all, it started off good but one thing I hate about sitcoms is when they do that silly misunderstandings thing but not actually talking to the other person.....and when accompanied by fat jokes, it's not my cup of tea.

And as for Steve Carrell not winning Best Comedy Actor - that I don't get at all. Jim Parsons in The Big Bang Theory is fab, but The Office was wonderful last season, Michael Scott's swansong.....surely the judges/voters could see that?!

Now for the stuff I DO get

Goodness, this sounds awful doesn't it, a proper Monday morning moan BUT there is TONS of wonderful television here. I was delighted for Peter Dinklage's win for Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones. He got Best Supporting Actor in a Drama for this (and I HONESTLY had no idea he wasn't British.....that's some superb RP!) And what else but The Daily Show could win best writing & best variety, dance or comedy series? (OK, it might be nice if they let The Colbert Report win once in a while, 9 wins in a row just looks greedy now ;)).

I adore The Good Wife, superb drama and I can't wait for it to start up again this Sunday. So I was delighted to see Julianna Margulies win Best Actress in a Drama....and no, I didn't think her dress looked like a couture Dalek, or an upside-down IKEA bin/trash can and all the other names I heard it called on Twitter. I loved it. I just would have done something different with her hair....

It was also lovely to see so many Brits or British productions nominated AND some winning during the night. Julian Fellowes, Maggie Smith, Kate Winslet and Downton Abbey I suppose spear-headed these but it was great to see Sherlock, Upstairs Downstairs, Luther, all the Brits in Game of Thrones, Kelly McDonald and probably the shot of Steven Moffatt in the audience looking as much of a fish out of water being there as I felt watching the whole thing :) One can only hope with Doctor Who this year being a joint production with BBC America that it might appear in the nominations.....or Torchwood being joint with STARZ.................who am I kidding, science fiction never gets a look in at these things.

Anyway, as I say, that's all over so now the tv networks can splash huge money all over the place to get us to watch the new 'Fall Season' starting proper tonight (though a few shows started last week, riding on the coat-tails of big reality show finales).

The fight for the remote starts tonight I'm sure with Melchett wanting NBC's The Sing-Off (Reality talent show featuring acapella groups), Goth Child wanting FOX's Terra Nova (new Spielberg-produced drama with dinosaurs), Mr Devyne wanting to try CBS's new Two and a Half Men line-up, and me wanting Sy-Fy's Warehouse 13 & the absolutely superb ALPHAs..........but luckily this is why DVRs were invented :)