I don't know why I'm typing this. I suppose it's because I get such kindness and outpouring of goodwill from you all, I feel sometimes I need to spill my guts. Don't worry I'll be succinct (actually I don't know if I'm capable of that anymore, I ramble when I'm ill, how the heck did I use to write 40 second news stories for the news? I don't know).
Anyway, I'm not wanting sympathy, and I'm fine. But if you've seen my meltdown on Twitter, this is to let you know I'm ok. I'm in the pit, but clinging to the sides (if you're new to me, I have cyclothymia, a type of bipolar, long story). I think I've had a bit of a bad year, but Mr D. assures me its a pretty 'normal' one, I just forget, another symptom of my condition.
I'm keeping going, keeping active because I'm scared if I stop I'll drop into the pit. The Doctor Who Sew Along is keeping me going. And when that's finished I'm going to throw myself into my favourite crafting and decorating time of year, Christmas. And then comes the Oscars-wacthing season and hopefully during one of these, I'll climb out of the pit for a while.
I'm going to stay off twitter (posts from typepad ie. fanbloomingtastic blog links and the Daily Bits of Who) are automatically posted across there without m having to visit it, and most of what I do, I do in advance and schedule to be automatically posted ahead of time.....in case I have a really bad day and cannot face the world at all), so sorry if you think I'm not replying or worry about me being quiet (I know some of you do, you're absolute sweethearts).....I'm ok....
...I'm mainly staying off twitter to avoid spoilers from people who should know better. Very annoyed with the official BBC Doctor Who twitter account posting pics and blurb about a major surprise this morning before most of the world had a chance to see the prequel 'The Night of the Doctor'.....the west coast of America wasn't even awake, and to see twitter full of retweets of such a huge spoiler. It's not fair.
OK, ok I know I should have some perspective, there are people around the world dying, without homes, without food and water....but though I apologise for it and am aware of it, I often have very little perspective because of my cyclothymia, most of the time I'm pretty tactless too, and lots of difficulty with real and not real, threats and non-threats, and the lack of perspective....and sometimes I cling to escapism like tv shows and books to help me when all around me is black and despair (crying now grrrr).
Luckily I got to see the Night of the Doctor before twitter spoilt it for me. And the surprise made me so happy. But twitter had already spoilt the end of An Adventure in Time and Space for me (airing next Friday, 22nd Nov) and the final Poirot. This makes me really sad.
I try SO HARD not to spoil things for people. I think it's really mean to spoil stuff. To take away surprises. You don't know how hard I've been on vetting videos for the Daily Bits of Who, for fear of ruining great surprises for new viewers of Doctor Who working through from Rose or the Eleventh Hour etc. People who spoil stuff are mean spirited and inconsiderate, and I don't like you.....so there.
Ok, I've had my rant. Did that make any sense at all? Anyway, carry on. I'm going to try and do all the things I learnt in my CBT and therapy sessions a few years back to either stabilise or make some progress back out of this, but here if you haven't managed to find a link to it, is the mini-episode, the prequel to The Night of the Doctor. This isn't a spoiler but the thing you're missing watching this via BBC youtube channel (which is where this is from, so I suspect though I'm going to try and embed this, they might insist you watch it on youtube itself, which is cool) rather than on the BBC iplayer, is they opened it in there with a classic Doctor Who theme music, which was enough to get my heart racing, so hum that or play this first...